


Her Furtive Fantasy

by tansybells



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Damn You Hilda, F/F, Fantasizing, Masturbation, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sexual Frustration, Spoilers for Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25730143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tansybells/pseuds/tansybells
Summary: Edelgard wishes things could be different. She wishes she could live the life Hilda's offering her. She wishes she could open herself up to her partner. But as always, Edelgard keeps her own company.
Relationships: Hilda Valentine Goneril/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Her Furtive Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> An entry for FE:3H Wank Week, Day 5: Pining.

“Hey. Edelgard!”

Edelgard turned to look over her shoulder at the unexpected sound of her name, but to her surprise, Hilda overtook her from behind and steered her towards one of their favored dark corners.

Once there, Hilda slammed Edelgard against the stone wall and began nibbling her way up Edelgard’s neck. “I’ve been thinking about you,” she purred, the sound rumbling against the delicate skin and setting Edelgard’s senses ablaze before she pressed a hot, desperate kiss against Edelgard’s lips. Edelgard longed to reach out and cradle her girlfriend’s face in her hands as they kissed, but Hilda had her arms pinned down by her sides. Thus, all she could do was lean into the kiss and try to soak her up as much as possible before Hilda pulled away.

“It’s  _ soooooooooo _ boring,” Hilda continued, gasping for breath, “to try to pay attention to something so stupid as  _ school  _ and  _ learning  _ when you’re like…  _ right there _ .”

She pressed her knee into the space between Edelgard’s thighs, pushing up and against her with a forcefulness her short stature and lazy personality did not suggest. Edelgard caught a moan behind tight-pressed lips, and she felt Hilda smile into her next kiss before she murmured, “You’re right there, and I know that you’d drop just about  _ anything  _ to get some of this sweet action.”

“That’s a bald-faced lie,” Edelgard growled, “and you know it. There are a _million_ things I would do before catering to your insatiable desires.” She felt the half-truth, even as it rolled off of her tongue; she wrinkled her nose at the way her heart clenched in response. 

Hilda giggled, and Edelgard knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that her own falsehood had been seen through. There were indeed several things that she held at a higher priority than sneaking away and meeting up with Hilda in dark rooms and shaded corners—her plot to betray the church immediately came to mind—but even so, she could not deny that thus far, every time Hilda had beckoned with coy smiles and curling fingers, she had answered.

“Oh, come _on,_ Edelgard. You’re a strong, courageous woman. You’re the _Imperial_ _Princess,_ for fuck’s sake!” Hilda ground her knee up further against her core; Edelgard rose up on her toes to try and avoid further stimulation, but to her despair, there was little relief to be found. She just barely managed to hold back a whimper as Hilda pressed up against her chest.

“Would it  _ reeeeeeally _ be so bad to admit that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , you actually like me?” she murmured, grasping a lock of Edelgard’s platinum hair and twirling it around her finger. Edelgard bit down on her lower lip, determined to remain silent even as Hilda pouted. “Even a little bit?”

The positively  _ heartbroken  _ look in Hilda’s eyes was nearly enough to bring Edelgard to her knees, the growing pressure between her thighs aside. Hilda deserved so much better than Edelgard, didn’t she? She deserved someone who could lavish time and affection onto her endlessly, in a way that Edelgard herself could not. Not with the barriers of their country set up between them.

Edelgard wasn’t stupid. She knew that when push came to shove—and it would, soon enough—Hilda would remain forever loyal to the Golden Deer. To Claude. She knew that her heart, if she allowed Hilda to hold onto it for much longer, would one day be forever crushed within her formidable grasp.

_ If only you knew, Hilda, _ she wanted,  _ longed  _ to say to her,  _ that I would burn the whole world to the ground to have you by my side. _ But no. She was thoroughly paralyzed. As her breath grew heavy in her lungs, andher heart began to break, she found that she couldn’t put together the words she so desperately needed.

So, she said nothing.

Hilda’s eyes, which had begun as pleading and hopeful, soon turned dark with disappointment. She clucked her tongue, and it surprised Edelgard that so simple of a sound could make her feel so guilty.

“Why am I surprised?” she muttered, pulling away and lessening the pressure her considerable chest put on Edelgard’s. “You’re emotionally constipated, Edelgard. You know that, right?” Edelgard opened her mouth to reply, to defend herself, but Hilda quickly shushed her with a slender finger pressed against her lips.

“I know, I know. You’ve got your whole empire to worry about, and ruling is fucked up, so you’re never gonna get to be happy,” she continued with a roll of her eyes, putting words in Edelgard’s mouth that she couldn’t bring herself to believe she’d ever say. It stunned her that Hilda had so easily seen through her, for her words had a horrible ring of truth to them. “We’ve been through this a few times by now, haven’t we?”

Hilda pulled her leg away from its place between Edelgard’s thighs, and Edelgard gasped as the pressure that had been steadily building suddenly dropped away with nothing to replace it. ”So,” she continued as she blatantly ignored Edelgard’s growing frustration, “I get it. I don’t  _ like  _ it, and I wish you’d just… I dunno, either own up to it or actually be honest with me about all your fucking secrets, but I get it.” 

As she did at the end of every rendezvous, Edelgard felt absolutely awful as she wiped the remnants of Hilda’s bright lipstick from her mouth with the back of her hand. Hilda was a manipulative, conniving, im _ possibly _ beautiful young woman. Yet for as clever as Hilda was, Edelgard couldn’t find any pride in deceiving her.

But Hilda wasn’t done with her yet, and to Edelgard’s thrill and excitement, it seemed as though she had yet to wholly give up on them. On  _ her. _ “Think about me tonight, okay?” she commanded as she leaned in close to Edelgard’s ear and spoke in a desperate, harried whisper. “And make  _ sure  _ you tell me all about it tomorrow. If you don’t, I won’t talk to you for like, a whole week.”

“I’d rather be caught dead than tell you what I think about at night,” Edelgard said, lifting her chin high in defiance even as a chill ran down her back at the thought of how much  _ more  _ they could be. How amazing, how  _ powerful  _ Hilda could be if ever she’d be willing to stand at Edelgard’s side during her planned coup, if she would consent to be present at her coronation, be her ally in her fight for Fódlan’s freedom, or—

—or be with her at all.

“Okie dokie, then.” Hilda blew Edelgard a kiss, to which Edelgard responded with a silent sneer despite her rising blush. “See you next week,  _ Edelgard. _ ” Satisfied with her threat, and surreptitiously straightening the hem of her dangerously short skirt, the maiden sauntered away. Edelgard fought to keep her eyes away from the captivating sway of Hilda’s hips, a tendency which, judging by the smug glances back that Hilda threw her way, she was well aware of.

As soon as Hilda was out of sight, Edelgard sighed. She was fucked. She was well and truly fucked.

Except, of course, for the fact that she assuredly had not been. Part of her wondered whether Hilda had done it all on purpose, getting her aroused before changing her mind and leaving her high and dry. That sounded like the astonishingly manipulative—yet entirely self-assured—sort of thing Hilda would touch herself to as soon as she returned to her own quarters.

It wasn’t an unattractive thought. 

**xxx**

Just a short while later, as she lay twisting and turning in her bed, Edelgard realized that by leaving her so decisively, Hilda had ensured a far better punishment than words alone ever could have accomplished.

For as desperately as she tried to fall asleep, she couldn’t shake off the memory of Hilda’s disappointment. She couldn’t rid herself of the all-consuming guilt that had accompanied crushing Hilda’s hope of having her affections returned. Hilda had wanted so clearly, so  _ desperately  _ to have some sign that she wasn’t alone in this relationship, and she hadn’t given it to her.

How hard would it have actually been to say three words so simple as, _‘I love you?’_ ‘ _I adore you?’_ _‘I find you so utterly entrancing that when you walk into the room, I cannot pull my eyes away for fear that you will disappear, and my heart shall be forever alone?’_

Her heart beating faster, Edelgard closed her eyes. What if she  _ had  _ said such a thing? What if she  _ had  _ allowed herself to bare herself to Hilda, and instead of being turned away and demonized as she so feared, Hilda had embraced her? Accepted her for who she was, as well as her admittedly radical hopes for the future?

Out of nowhere, Hilda’s instructions echoed in her mind.  _ Think about me tonight,  _ she had said, and as Edelgard lifted the hem of her nightshirt and slipped her hand down the front of her panties, she found that she could think of nothing else. 

Images, heart-wrenching in their impossibility yet undoubtedly all that she longed for, sprang to her mind's eye. Hilda trailing loving little kisses up her thighs, glancing up to her every so often to make sure that she was enjoying herself before delving in deeper. Hilda holding her tight and making love to her for what felt like hours, whispering syrupy nothings in her ears—words that would bring any woman to her knees, even if she were an Emperor, but that were meant for her alone. Waking up in bed next to her sweet, sleepy smile in the morning and doing it all over again before having to acknowledge that a world existed outside the little bubble of love and adoration in which they suspended themselves. 

Edelgard’s heart ached at the thought of what could never be, even as she palmed herself rhythmically. She hated admitting it to herself, this weakness of hers, but Hilda always brought to her a reminder of the fact that she was more than the Emperor incumbent. With Hilda, she had the chance to be just another girl. A girl in love, perhaps, and her eyes watered as she imagined what it could have been like if she had been nothing more than another noble, or even a commoner. 

Perhaps, then, they could be in the same class. They could make plans and preparations for a future alliance—or maybe even the future joining of their families together, white bridal veils being lifted from before their faces before they leaned in and made their marriage official in the eyes of all who cared for them with a kiss, deep and sincere. Edelgard’s breath caught in her throat at the thought of such unfettered affection; she toyed with the growing slick of her entrance with her fingers as she imagined Hilda cupping her face within her soft, yet calloused hands, smiling against her lips, their union certain now and til the end of time itself. 

And then, that night, there would be a new reverence to be found in their lovemaking. It wouldn’t be their first time—and it certainly wouldn’t be their last—but it  _ would  _ be their first time with their marital vows forever tying their very souls together. Their first time as wives, their love for the other no longer a furtive, forbidden secret, but on display to the whole world around them. 

Ever-aware of her room’s close proximity to Hubert’s, Edelgard placed the palm of her idle hand across her mouth and pressed down as hard as she could without inhibiting her increasingly deep and measured breaths. Her care further muffled her already quiet gasps and moans as she dragged her fingers up to draw impromptu, intricate sigils across her clit. There was little magic to be found in her actions when it was just her, but she found that with no one there to judge her for either her thoughts or actions, she experienced an unexpected freedom.

Her hips rocking in time with the motion of her hand, a fervent heat building in her nether regions, Edelgard allowed herself the luxury of moaning Hilda’s name into her hand. She rarely let herself do so when actually engaging with Hilda, for some deep-seated reason that she was reluctant to examine. She found that while in the midst of the throes of her fantasy, however, there was no guilt in admitting her love for the clever woman who had enraptured the heart of an Emperor.

She pulled her knees up as she drew closer and closer to climax, the fabric of her underwear feeling increasingly taut against the back of her hand as she tried to push harder against herself in an attempt to gain release while simultaneously trying to keep the rhythm she’d set as steady and even as possible.

It proved to be impossible. As the way her fingers circled around her clit became more and more unsteady, Edelgard’s breath became increasingly ragged. She thought of Hilda there beside her, urging her along, flushing with pride and her own pleasure alike. That mental image of Hilda being there with her in every sense of the word, her long strands of hair splayed out on the sheets around her, and surrounding Edelgard in love ultimately pushed her over the edge and into a state of pure ecstasy.

The knowledge of the people in the rooms around her was the only thing that prevented her from moaning freely as pleasure rolled over her in waves, her body pulling in on itself tightly and clenching up despite her best attempts to continue the friction she had spent so long building up. And then, when her orgasm passed, she was left loose and limp to collapse against the support of her bed.

She allowed herself a few precious moments to bask in the disheveled afterglow of her orgasm, the whispered prayer of Hilda’s name gracing her lips one final time. She knew she would have to peel herself out of bed before falling asleep, as heavy as her body felt, lest she risk the unsanitary business that came alongside failing to clean herself up. But for a minute, just one priceless minute, she let herself preserve the fantasy of Hilda lying alongside her.

**xxx**

Upon entering the common area the following morning, Edelgard was delighted to see that Hilda was almost instantly within eyeshot. While she normally preferred to keep their relationship more covert when it came to their fellow students, she found that in the moment, upon seeing Hilda’s pink hair and her half-asleep expression as she sat on one of the outside benches, she simply could not keep herself away.

No, despite her best judgement, she snuck up beside her obviously exhausted girlfriend and gently set one hand down on Hilda’s bare knee. Hilda jumped in her seat at the unexpected contact, but she relaxed against Edelgard’s touch as soon as she realized who it was.

“I thought of you last night,” Edelgard whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear as she leaned into her girlfriend’s personal space, her lips just barely brushing against the shell of Hilda’s ear. Hilda’s eyes glinted dangerously, and she turned to look up at Edelgard with a wicked smile.

“Oh,  _ did  _ you now?” she crooned in satisfaction, propping her chin up on the palm of her hand as she gazed up coolly at Edelgard. “Do you plan to tell me anything  _ else  _ about it, beautiful?”

“Why don’t you come see me during your free period?” Edelgard hummed even while she pretended to consider whether or not she would. As much as she longed to tell Hilda of just what she’d fantasized, however, she knew that she could never be  _ fully  _ honest. But it was time for her to stop making Hilda feel bad for something she had no control over. She didn’t deserve that. “If you can manage to look past your lethargy for a few minutes and drag yourself into my bedroom, then who knows. You usually learn better when experiencing things instead of just hearing about it, don’t you?”

Hilda gasped dramatically, placing her hand over her chest in a delicate, feminine manner as she reached out to grasp Edelgard’s hand within her own. “I  _ do  _ learn better through experience, now that you mention it,” she said coyly as she rose from her seat, tangling her fingers together with Edelgard’s. “And actually, I’ve got some free time right now. Why don’t I show you how good of a student I can be when I’m—” She paused to consider her next words. “— _ suitably rewarded. _ ”

Edelgard didn’t look around them to see whether or not people were staring at them, standing there and holding hands together, but just squeezed their conjoined hands together. “I’m sure we can work something out,” she whispered as she pulled on Hilda’s hand to draw her closer, so close that there was practically no space between the two of them.

Smiling, she soaked in Hilda’s presence, letting it warm her like the morning sun itself. She didn’t know how long she had before it was time to take her stand against the church. She didn’t know how much longer she could count on having Hilda there at her side. But no matter how many uncertainties surrounded Edelgard, she could count on one thing:

In the moment, Hilda walked by her side in the sun. And while they would one day have to part, Edelgard’s course turning to temporarily run alongside those who slithered in the dark while Hilda ostensibly remained in the light, at least she would have the memories of their time together.

And when push came to shove, Edelgard would always have her fantasies.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. ❤︎ Come see me at @tansybells on twitter if you'd like to chat! And once again, my gratitude to [Lily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blooming_Spiderlily/pseuds/Blooming_Spiderlily) for her immeasurable assistance. Have a lovely day~


End file.
